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Learning from the "Let Them Theory"

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson

Life coach, Mel Robbins, speaks about the let them theory.

If someone doesn’t invite you to a party, let them.

If a partner breaks up with you, let them.

If a company fires you, let them.

Her belief, as I interpret it, is that if you argue with what’s happening, or try to get others to see your perspective, or to get an apology, you will drain yourself of energy, peace, and self-confidence because it’s a losing battle, a battle that is not within your control.

To me, let them means accepting reality just as it is.

That person, that boss, that romantic partner has every right to want what they want, or not want.

Just like you.

And by letting them do what they want, you are allowing them to show you who they really are, their priorities, their values.

Like Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

You don’t have to like the person or the situation.

But accepting what is is your fastest way to finding the person or situation that is right for you.

Your fastest way to inner peace.

It’s FOR YOU, not for them.

And this is good news because I believe let them is only half the story!

If you can grant others permission to show you who they truly are, their priorities, their needs, then you can grant yourself permission to do the same.

Let them,


Wouldn’t the world be amazing, so much time and aggravation and self-worth spared, if we all stopped hiding who we are, stopped people pleasing to fit in, stopped settling for less all to avoid feeling pain and discomfort?

Ours and causing it in others?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we gave permission to ourselves, and each other, to be exactly who we are?

Sure, we’d still feel hurt and disappointment, but isn’t it better to know the truth as early as possible, to stop wasting precious time on people, jobs, and things that aren’t right for us?

When one door closes, another opens.

When you finally admit someone or something is not meant for you, you make yourself available to someone or something that is.

Ask yourself these questions to get clarity:

  • Who would you be if no one was watching?

  • Who would you be if you knew the right person or job would only appear if you were completely yourself?

  • What would you spend your days doing?

  • Who would you spend your days with?

We need to give ourselves permission to be freely and fully our essential selves. The self we were as a young child before society and cultural standards molded us into “proper” human beings.

Give yourself permission to be utterly, audaciously, authentically you.

The people who truly love you, the authority figures who truly value you,

will see and accept you for all that you are.

And those that don’t,

let them.

The sooner you’ll open space

for those who do.

Don’t know who your essential self is?

Remember your childhood.

Remember what you used to lose yourself in.

Do that.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly your essential self appears.

They are just waiting for you to invite them to play.

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